All that hard working made Hassan get more promotions and rewards over the years. But Osama, who was working on the same machine, was not so pleased for what Hassan reached because he was jealous of him so much. Osama was trying to permanently fabricate lies and create problems to put Hassan in big trouble, so the owner of the factory can fire him very quickly, but that did not work at all.
One day, Osama came early to the factory and he sabotaged one of the machines and he threw some papers and keys that belonged to Hassan on the ground next to the machine. Osama had stolen the papers and keys from Hassan’s office. After he finished everything and all the workers came to their work, Osama went to the owner of the factory and accused his friend Hassan of being the one who damaged the machine. He wanted to embarrass Hassan in front of all the workers and make the owner of the factory fire Hassan from his work. So he said:
- This morning I came to work on my machine as usual, but the machine did not work and I know who did that and sabotaged the machine .
- Who?
- Hassan.
- What? What are you talking about? Why should I believe you?
- Because I saw him this morning when he was trying to sabotage the machine.
- And do you have any evidence to prove what you are saying?
- Yes, sir, I do have a very important thing. I need to show it to you.
- Yes, I really would like to know what you have for me.
Then Osama went for a few minutes and came back with the papers and keys as evidence to prove Hassan that was the person who sabotaged the machine.
The next day, the owner of the factory checked the papers and he was sure that the papers and the keys belonged to Hassan, so he asked Hassan to come to his office to talk about what happened.
When Hassan saw the papers he smiled and said,” These papers and keys are the ones that I told you about last week. These papers had been stolen from my office a few weeks ago and we are still looking for the person who stole them, but now I think everything is obvious in front of you, sir.”
After Osama admitted that he was the one who did that because he was so jealous of Hassan, he got fired from his work.
As a conclusion, we can always say that if someone wants bad things to happen for others, the bad things will happen to him instead. And that was the moral from the original story.
 |
| two workers in a factory |
Author’s Note:
The original story is a story of two brothers who were looking for their fortune. Each of them had ten loaves of bread. In the middle of their way they were hungry, so they ate the bread of one brother. After a short time of walking, the brother who still had the bread changed his mind and went in a different direction than his brother did leaving his brother without food. At the end of the story, the selfish brother got surprised how his brother became very rich and he wanted to become like his brother. He went to the same place where he left his brother, but unfortunately he did not become rich and a bear killed him.
I think what I wanted from writing this story is to keep the same moral of the story which is if someone wants bad things to happen for others, the bad things will happen to him instead. I also changed the characters. On my story I have two friends instead of two brothers and they are working in the same factory. I tried to create an event that can lead us to the same moral in the original story. I used the third-person storytelling style where we can see the drama of the story unfolding day by day.
Bibliography:Georgian Folk Tales, by Marjory Wardrop (1894)
Hey Christina, I like your approach to changing the original story to make it a little more family friendly! I think that using the factory as your setting was a very good decision. For your future stories I would make sure to really pay attention to your verbs in your sentences, otherwise it was a very good story! I can’t wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHey Christina,
ReplyDeleteThis is great story; it is very well put together and an easy read. The approach you used to change the original story into more of a family friendly story was well done! The factory was a great place to use as your setting, it set up the story really good. The only criticism I have for your story is the verbs in your sentences, but other than that, it was a very good story.
This was a great story because it was short and sweet. I really do think that if you do bad onto others then bad things will happen for you. Maybe it is karma but I am not so sure. Jealousy is a hard thing for people to deal with and I wish that Osama could realize how much he has in life. He has a job and that is enough to be grateful for. I was glad to see the boss not jump right to conclusions and wait to hear from both sides of the story. He seemed like a good boss.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story and the original version. I read this section and I liked the twist you put on the story. I also really liked the image you used. It’s a really good story and an interesting take. I don’t think you need to be so direct with the moral of the story though. It’s a personal preference but I don’t like it when people say specifically “this is the moral of the story”. I would also suggest that you double check your verb tenses and double check this story. In the third sentence for example the “owner like him” not “liked”. There are little mistakes like that in your story. Make sure you’re capitalizing the first word in a sentence. I don’t know if you’re using Microsoft Word to type your story but it might be a better method. Word will catch most of the little mistakes that happen when you type really fast.
ReplyDeleteDuoaa,
ReplyDeleteIt is great to meet you. I’m from the Indian Epics class.
I really like the layout of your profile. It is very basic and easy on the eyes. Have you thought about putting in a picture or something on the sides? I like the muted browns but I think there might be a way to make it a little more visually appealing.
The text font and color are easy to read and it is large enough to not cause any squinting. Have you thought about using different colors of font per story to keep the page fresh?
The story structure itself has some things that made me pause. In paragraph 2 “Hassan reached because he was jealous of him so much” seems very disjointed to me. Have you thought about rewording the sentence to be a little easier to read? This was also a sentence that didn’t read true for me “He wanted to embarrass Hassan in front of all the workers and make the owner of the factory fire Hassan from his work.” Maybe: “He wanted to embarrass Hassan to take him down off his pedestal. Osama knew the best way to put him in his place was by doing it in front of all their coworkers. Osama fantasized about it even causing the owner to fire Hassan. His tongue ran the outline of the thin smile that stretched across his face.”
Also the parts where you have dialog but instead of using “” you use -. This really creates a disconnect for me as a reader of the story.
Fourth line of the dialog, need to capitalize “I”. “These paper had been stolen from my office” need to pluralize paper(s).
Hi Duoaa,
ReplyDeleteI am from the Indian Epics class but thought I should make my way over to this class to see some of the stories here! I really like stories that teach a lesson so your title and description of this story really captured my attention. You depicted the characters very well as I was able to tell the personalities of both and how one of them obviously works harder and honestly over the other. I was worried Hassan was going to get fired but alas, the good guy wins!! Osama should have known better than just simply trying to frame someone else. The truth always comes to light. Your last paragraph was a great way to wrap up the story. You explain the lesson/moral of the story, one we should always keep in mind. Overall, a great story that was easy to follow along but also taught a lesson along the way!